self reflection

Assalamualaikum and hello.


I had rehabilitation engineering class today's morning.
so , we had done some self reflection.
honestly I want to talk a lot about myself.
such as what I like and dislike.
my hobbies, my passion or whatsoever.
I just wanna express myself.


but then, when I talk about my character which was I'm a person who is a little bit sensitive but I'm always kept all of them inside my heart, suddenly i wanna cry at that moment.
I don't have the courage to talk about my opinion and what do I feel to other people.
it may because I tend to think "ohh of course they will not agree with my opinion and so on".
I just feel like I have to please other every time.

I'm a clumsy person and kind of blur sometimes,
but that doesn't mean you can trick me whenever u like.
of course lah after u trick me, i tend to have that kind of feeling which is rasa kurang percaya and macam susah nak percaya you know.
but when I don't believe you, you said, "hey camnilah kawan, tu pun taknak percaya, ini ke kawan tak nak percaya. camna nak kawan lama cmni".
pastu aku akan rasa macam serba salah. rasa macam okay aku nak percaya kau.
but then, AGAIN!
you trick me very well. and then gelak berjemaah.wahhhh
which is up to the point I'm getting angry,sad and disappointed with myself.
this is actually quite torturing me.



maybe u thought "hey, it was just a joke! come on dj, chillax."
but you know, what r u doing can make me to go crazy anytime.
tension wehh, people have a limitation.
people have a patience.
so now, aku jadi jenis yang susah nak percaya apa orang kata, jadi tak confidence, jadi negative thinking person and so on.

somehow, I just miss my old times.
become a good listener to my friends, cheerful all the time,
enjoying myself and every moments happened most of the time.
bila kau simpan semua benda dalam diri kau, lama-lama memang meletup.


then aku teringat apa mama aku cakap,
"hidup ni banyak sangat dugaan, tak kan hidup kat comfort zone je. sometimes kau akan lalui liku-liku mencabar ni.
apa-apapun, jadikan Allah pendengar setia kita, jadikan diri kita bergantung pada Allah dalam apa pun. sebab semuanya takdir di tangan Allah. sebab Allah sebaik-baik Penulis dalam life kita. sebaik-baik Pencipta."



okaylah, I have to study now.
esok ada kuiz EMT,
hewhew wish me luck.